Apologizing is Habitual When You Got a Lot of Bad Habits. by Ezhno Martin

I'm writing this in the morning

    which means I'm also compiling a list

of all the fucked up things I did last night –

        figured I'd do two things I like to pretend are productive at once

    First of all I need to apologize to Jason

        for calling him Scott no fewer than twenty times

    I'd mixed up the two because when I met them

        I was fucked in half drunk   

    you know

            because I was at a poetry show

        an exercise of my passion

                and I don't mean the poetry

           

    I also need to apologize for grunting while he was reading

        I was trying to open a beer with my cell phone

            and it wasn't working

                but I wasn't about to give up

            so I'd persisted

I also need to apologize for pissing behind the bookstore

    moments later

        I couldn't hold it because I'd decided to sample all four of the six-packs

    they had for the 20 people in attendance

        sure, I'd thrown ten bucks in the donation jar

            but the math doesn't seem to be working out now

I need to apologize to the people I'd made my girlfriend drive me five hours to see read

    so I could drink half a bottle of scotch in the car

        and show up half an hour late

    because I needed to drink three beers before the show at the hotel

            and make a youtube video about how scotch doubled as aftershave

I owe them better

    than being unable to enunciate my pride for the poetry

        and thus striping the fact I published them of any appearance of importance

I also owe Justin and his girlfriend an apology

    for pretending to stalk them around the Andy Warhol Museum earlier in the day

I'm sure that ruined their experience

        but I don't feel bad about how much I freaked out the rest of the patrons

    by taking my pants off and fingering my asshole

            in front of a video exhibit of Andy Warhol's boyfriend doing the same

        they signed that contract when they bought their ticket

               

I need to apologize to my girlfriend for forcing her to witness all of the previous

    sure she'd thought a lot of it was individually hilarious or amusing

        but that's a lot of shit to heap on one person

    and I probably shouldn't be going around screaming about what a great dick sucker she is

even if she seems to take great pride in it

            she deserves to be introduced as my girlfriend

        or the women I'm in love with

            and not “Picckocko”

                or the woman that blew me by the side of the highway this morning

            as at least a hundred goats watched in horror

   

    also she deserves an apology that

        after we got back to the hotel room

in private

    the time and place for my hardcore habits

        that my cock was completely out of commission

I should apologize to all the people I talked to after 8 pm yesterday

    for spitting all over them inadvertently while I made their ears ring

        from the volume of my misplaced enthusiasm for things I don't remember

    maybe I should shut up every once in a while

            or at least be cognizant of the many ways I was making them suffer

all things told

    it wasn't such a bad day

by my standards

    so I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever known

that most days it's worse

        and that I write these poems

    and make them listen

instead of using my time and talent

            for something they might prefer

    and I'm sorry I've always preferred

being to drunk to see straight

    over seeing them smile

or making them feel seen

Ezhno Martin doesn't believe in god, pronouns, american exceptionalism, most conventions of capitalization, monogamy, any form of censorship, that 9/11 was real, casseroles, coming to a full stop at stop signs, chivalry, patriotism, hand washing after bathroom visits, rough sex, decorum, the importance of biological families, and/or that The New York Knick's are ever going to get their shit together.  Ezhno lives in Toledo, Ohio.  Ezhno is now from Toledo, Ohio, because that's how that works.  You can't misgender Ezhno, because Ezhno doesn't believe in genders, pronouns, safe spaces or any of that social-justice-warrior-rich-kid-with-a-complex bullshit.   Just say “nice ass” if you're feeling nervous or confused about the fact that the 6'2” Adonis that is Ezhno hates your counter culture just as much as the culture it opposes.