Tuesday, October 9, 2018

Apologizing is Habitual When You Got a Lot of Bad Habits. by Ezhno Martin




I'm writing this in the morning
    which means I'm also compiling a list
of all the fucked up things I did last night –
        figured I'd do two things I like to pretend are productive at once

    First of all I need to apologize to Jason
        for calling him Scott no fewer than twenty times
    I'd mixed up the two because when I met them
        I was fucked in half drunk   
    you know
            because I was at a poetry show
        an exercise of my passion
                and I don't mean the poetry
           
    I also need to apologize for grunting while he was reading
        I was trying to open a beer with my cell phone
            and it wasn't working
                but I wasn't about to give up
            so I'd persisted

I also need to apologize for pissing behind the bookstore
    moments later
        I couldn't hold it because I'd decided to sample all four of the six-packs
    they had for the 20 people in attendance
        sure, I'd thrown ten bucks in the donation jar
            but the math doesn't seem to be working out now

I need to apologize to the people I'd made my girlfriend drive me five hours to see read
    so I could drink half a bottle of scotch in the car
        and show up half an hour late
    because I needed to drink three beers before the show at the hotel
            and make a youtube video about how scotch doubled as aftershave
I owe them better
    than being unable to enunciate my pride for the poetry
        and thus striping the fact I published them of any appearance of importance

I also owe Justin and his girlfriend an apology
    for pretending to stalk them around the Andy Warhol Museum earlier in the day
I'm sure that ruined their experience
        but I don't feel bad about how much I freaked out the rest of the patrons
    by taking my pants off and fingering my asshole
            in front of a video exhibit of Andy Warhol's boyfriend doing the same
        they signed that contract when they bought their ticket
               
I need to apologize to my girlfriend for forcing her to witness all of the previous

    sure she'd thought a lot of it was individually hilarious or amusing
        but that's a lot of shit to heap on one person
    and I probably shouldn't be going around screaming about what a great dick sucker she is
even if she seems to take great pride in it
            she deserves to be introduced as my girlfriend
        or the women I'm in love with
            and not “Picckocko”
                or the woman that blew me by the side of the highway this morning
            as at least a hundred goats watched in horror
   
    also she deserves an apology that
        after we got back to the hotel room
in private
    the time and place for my hardcore habits
        that my cock was completely out of commission

I should apologize to all the people I talked to after 8 pm yesterday
    for spitting all over them inadvertently while I made their ears ring
        from the volume of my misplaced enthusiasm for things I don't remember
    maybe I should shut up every once in a while
            or at least be cognizant of the many ways I was making them suffer

all things told
    it wasn't such a bad day
by my standards

    so I'd like to apologize to everyone I've ever known
that most days it's worse
        and that I write these poems
    and make them listen
instead of using my time and talent
            for something they might prefer
    and I'm sorry I've always preferred
being to drunk to see straight
    over seeing them smile
or making them feel seen






Ezhno Martin doesn't believe in god, pronouns, american exceptionalism, most conventions of capitalization, monogamy, any form of censorship, that 9/11 was real, casseroles, coming to a full stop at stop signs, chivalry, patriotism, hand washing after bathroom visits, rough sex, decorum, the importance of biological families, and/or that The New York Knick's are ever going to get their shit together.  Ezhno lives in Toledo, Ohio.  Ezhno is now from Toledo, Ohio, because that's how that works.  You can't misgender Ezhno, because Ezhno doesn't believe in genders, pronouns, safe spaces or any of that social-justice-warrior-rich-kid-with-a-complex bullshit.   Just say “nice ass” if you're feeling nervous or confused about the fact that the 6'2” Adonis that is Ezhno hates your counter culture just as much as the culture it opposes.

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