“Uncle Larry Visits his Sister’s: The First Morning” by John Dorroh

I had breakfast for liquor, I mean liquor for breakfast….again…

and it was better than any damn fancy-ass grain-appropriate waffle

concoction that you ever served up. My God, just give me the bottle, Lucille, and stand back.

Up against the wall with your egg white gluten-free scone with organic blackberry

Jam. Speaking of jam….seems like I’m in one.

Sticky, thick girly conversation…who in the hell is this strange woman who won’t shut up?

Give me a break. I’m drinkin’ and stinkin’ with your old man who had finally straightened up, thank you very much, and he left too;

so there’s no sense in hidin’ the kids from Uncle Larry since I’m here only once a year.

I had a breakfast liquor again and it contained all the nutrients that I will need for the whole damned day, so lay off and get out of the bathroom. Quick!

Take that snooty-ass friend of yours with you because she’s lookin’ at me with four eyes and I don’t even know her name. Muffy, or Buffy, oh hell…whatever, it really don’t matter cause I won’t be here when you four get back.

I don’t want crepes, Evian or a cage-free omelet

no portabella mushrooms, raw organic almonds or carrot juice

no fat-free soy latte, green tea smoothie, or ghee…whatever the hell that is.

Just give me back my bottle of Jim Beam and I promise to finish it down in the basement. Take my keys so I won’t try to drive away, even though I know you yearn deep down inside for me to do just that. I’m drunk, not dumb!

Like I said, get out of the bathroom, quick! Uncle Larry ain’t feelin’ so well.

Whether John Dorroh taught any high school science is still up for grabs. However, he managed to show up every morning at 6:45 with at least three lesson plans for a couple of decades.  His poetry can be found in Suisun Valley Review, Dime Show Review, Indigent Press, Sick Lit, Walk Write-up, Red Fez, and many more. He also likes to write short fiction and rants.