Pillock by Paul Brookes

All that's left of his pit days,

is the laughter amidst

dust and danger below, a pitprop

to hold up what's worth living.

Old miner taps his mate Fred’s

pint glass as their sat in the pub

and says so as a young lass in boob tube

and short skirt can hear:

Thas overdressed love.

I should take summat off,

if I were thee. Tha want

to change thee butcher.

Tha wants a skirt to go with

that fanny pelmet.

Thas got some right

nutcracker arse cheeks on thee.

Aneorexic lass walks by

Tha wants to diet, love.

Can't see all thee ribs.

Needs a bit of Belsen time,

eh, Fred.

Plus size young lass

comes past Tha wants

to eat more, love. Tha

made it through doorway

no trouble.

Spots young man with tattoos:

Tha a real man with them.

I bet some are prison ones,

aren't they? Its ten o clock

at night, abaht time tha

were jimmying folks locks,

hiving off with folks trinkets.

Tell thas college educated,

thas sharp as butter.

Lads dander up he shouts

at old one and Fred:

Oi. Old git. Shut thee gob

else I'll shut it for thee.

Old miners fall about in laughter.

Paul Brookes is a shop asst. His chapbooks include The Fabulous Invention Of Barnsley, (Dearne Community Arts, 1993). The Headpoke and Firewedding (Alien Buddha Press, 2017), A World Where and She Needs That Edge (Nixes Mate Press, 2017, 2018) The Spermbot Blues (OpPRESS, 2017), Forthcoming Stubborn Sod, (Alien Buddha Press, 2019), As Folk Over Yonder ( Afterworld Books, 2019). He edits The Wombwell Rainbow Interviews.