Why We Kill Ourselves. by Daniel Crocker

Because every day is pain

Because we have to ask our

wives to drive us everywhere

Because we've suddenly developed

driving anxiety

Because most days we have anxiety

Because most days we feel bad

about how our anxiety effects our family

Because we did bad things manic

I don't need to get into them here

We all know what we did

and our wives were none too happy about it

Because we were in bed all day

Because we wonder what our children

think when we're in bed all day

Did I mention the shit we did manic?

Look here,

It's because we have these

intrusive thought all day long

Kill yourself. I'm going to kill myself.

I'm going to die today. It's over.

All fucking day

Because our brains happen to be

wired that way

Because our daughters heard

us articulate these thoughts compulsively

Because Berryman did it

Plath did it

All of them and

none of this was ever

a cry for help.

Daniel Crocker's work has appeared in The Los Angeles Review, Hobart, Big Muddy, New World Writing, Stirring, Juked, The Chiron Review, The Mas Tequila Reviewand over 100 others. His books includeLike a Fish (full length) and The One Where I Ruin Your Childhood (e-chap with thousands of downloads) both from Sundress Publications. Green Bean Press published several of his books in the '90s and early 2000s. These include People Everyday and Other Poems, Long Live the 2 of Spades, the novel The Cornstalk Manand the short story collection Do Not Look Directly Into Me. He has also published several chapbooks through various presses. His newest full length collection of poetry, Shit House Rat, was published by Spartan Press in September of 2017. He was the first winner of the Gerald Locklin Prize in poetry. He is the editor ofThe Cape Rock (Southeast Missouri State University) and the co-editor of Trailer Park Quarterly. He's also the host of the podcast, Sanesplaining, about poetry, mental illness and nerd stuff. He is a bipolar, bisexual Gemini living the cliché.