Running a Tab Close to Home by Tobi Alfier

My grandpa timed his visits to the bar based on the sun.
A poet of sorts, he liked to watch the fiery pink slow to gray,
then the twilight of sky to sea to night before dipping his head
through the beads at Pat’s to take his place on the stool—his for so long
they almost bronzed a plate with his name when they remodeled
some years ago.

But he said no, I’m a father now. I have responsibilities.
His nightly visits stopped for awhile, then came the bartering
with himself, then the hangdog she was better off without him
anyway. He’d hand her his check and run a tab, finger a twenty
from her purse when she was primping for her trip to the store,
a mild flirtation with the butcher bought her a bit more here and there,
for the children.

You could smoke at the bar then. My grandpa would come home late,
the coarseness of a pack of Pall Malls hiding scotch - neat – not that it mattered.
There was no drama, just resolute resignation. No reason for anger,
packed bags or even desire for appreciation by another. Too much effort.
My grandmother would just turn over and finish what faded to could have been,
plan tomorrow. Even on their anniversary.

My grandpa missed everything but the night’s colors.
By exception, he taught my father how not to be. That pride was no sin,
that the awkwardness of your son at his prom, poorly-fitting tux
and poorly-fitting girl, were right, that you have “the talk” even though
everyone knows everything far too young. And you bring flowers.

Now I understand those evening skies grandpa loved. The occasional scotch
and I are great friends. As are my father and I. My grandmother
had a hard life. The palm of her hand—a permanent shadow on the window
where she pushed the drapes aside to watch and wait. I stare into a bouquet
of wildflowers, see my entire life recaptured. Shadow and sky,
the same dirty glass. Melancholy and joyousness. Keeps a family going.

Tobi Alfier is a multiple Pushcart nominee and multiple Best of the Net nominee. Both “Slices of Alice & Other Character Studies” and a reprint of “Sanity Among the Wildflowers” were published by Cholla Needles Press. She is co-editor of San Pedro River Review (www.bluehorsepress.com).