Excuse by Dan Provost

“He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.”

--Samuel Johnson

 

Hence, the problem.

 

I used this quote to justify every

bender I’ve been on.

 

Reasoning to find escape, at

least

for

a while.

 

My living carcass spend many, many

many hours in the gin mills.

 

Drinking what was put in

front of me…

 

Places like the Red Baron, Milligan’s

Pub, the Main Street Inn--

 

Countless other dives.

 

Have

made a fortune off my paltry salary…

 

Shit-faced, I would try to

find something sacred within

the empty bottles and shot glasses.

 

Led to the philosophical gibberish

flow into ears of other boozers…

 

Who had their own reasons to sit

on creaky barstools, waiting for

their guardian angel to bring another

beer.

 

A myriad of fivers were spent in

the juke—where music was at

parallel play with the booze…

 

Trying to bring that bad rhythm man

down.

 

Maybe a Roger Waters lyric, or a Stevie Ray

guitar lick…could help find my

way to some temporary, template

understanding.

 

Enamored Enlightenment.

 

A new therapy within

an old game.  My drunk

was unique…I was on a different

plane…

 

Within debauch—facilities fading, equilibrium

failing while trying not to fall off my perch

of pathetic.

 

Kept pounding the alcohol

until my soggy brain stumbled

down Wasted Avenue.

 

Awakening the next day—head in

a vice, stomach begging for greasy

McDonald’s fries

to regurgitate later.

 

That “man” was still there

Mr. Johnson…

 

Still in pain.

Ready to draw the drapes on

another day forgotten.

 

The “beast” sitting beside me.  Laughing

at all the misery I put myself

through in his/its name.

 

My five hours of hating manhood,

just retraces the steps of another calendar month.

 

Year 59 of my existence—many days

drenched in intoxication…

 

Failing to forget

I was still here,

 

doing absolutely nothing

of concrete

worth.

Dan Provost's poetry has been published throughout the small press for a number of years.  Some recent publications include: Ariel Chart, Poetical Review, Merak Magazine, Oddball Magazine, Deuce Coupe, Misfit Magazine, the Rye Whiskey Review, Cajun Mutt Press and the Dope Fiend Daily.  He has two books coming out in 2020.  Under the Influence of Nothingness by Kung Fu Treachery Press and Rattle of a Realizer, published by Whiskey City Press.  He lives in Berlin, New Hampshire with his wife Laura and dog Bella.