“He who makes a beast of himself, gets rid of the pain of being a man.”
--Samuel Johnson
Hence, the problem.
I used this quote to justify every
bender I’ve been on.
Reasoning to find escape, at
least
for
a while.
My living carcass spend many, many
many hours in the gin mills.
Drinking what was put in
front of me…
Places like the Red Baron, Milligan’s
Pub, the Main Street Inn--
Countless other dives.
Have
made a fortune off my paltry salary…
Shit-faced, I would try to
find something sacred within
the empty bottles and shot glasses.
Led to the philosophical gibberish
flow into ears of other boozers…
Who had their own reasons to sit
on creaky barstools, waiting for
their guardian angel to bring another
beer.
A myriad of fivers were spent in
the juke—where music was at
parallel play with the booze…
Trying to bring that bad rhythm man
down.
Maybe a Roger Waters lyric, or a Stevie Ray
guitar lick…could help find my
way to some temporary, template
understanding.
Enamored Enlightenment.
A new therapy within
an old game. My drunk
was unique…I was on a different
plane…
Within debauch—facilities fading, equilibrium
failing while trying not to fall off my perch
of pathetic.
Kept pounding the alcohol
until my soggy brain stumbled
down Wasted Avenue.
Awakening the next day—head in
a vice, stomach begging for greasy
McDonald’s fries
to regurgitate later.
That “man” was still there
Mr. Johnson…
Still in pain.
Ready to draw the drapes on
another day forgotten.
The “beast” sitting beside me. Laughing
at all the misery I put myself
through in his/its name.
My five hours of hating manhood,
just retraces the steps of another calendar month.
Year 59 of my existence—many days
drenched in intoxication…
Failing to forget
I was still here,
doing absolutely nothing
of concrete
worth.
Dan Provost's poetry has been published throughout the small press for a number of years. Some recent publications include: Ariel Chart, Poetical Review, Merak Magazine, Oddball Magazine, Deuce Coupe, Misfit Magazine, the Rye Whiskey Review, Cajun Mutt Press and the Dope Fiend Daily. He has two books coming out in 2020. Under the Influence of Nothingness by Kung Fu Treachery Press and Rattle of a Realizer, published by Whiskey City Press. He lives in Berlin, New Hampshire with his wife Laura and dog Bella.
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oh man, that is real. Ouch. Good poem.
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