I Was Never Meant to Be by Ann Christine Tabaka

For some peculiar reason 

(no one knows for sure),

we were all seven+ years apart,

my two older brothers and I.

I was never meant to be, 

but here I am …

Born out of need and not of love.

I was the youngest of three.

The eldest was 15 years my senior.  

I barely knew him,

he left when I was three.

He chose the Air Force as his home,

to escape the misery. 

My father was movie star handsome.

My mother had a beautiful heart.

There was no love between them.

They stayed together 

because it was expected back then.

Then stayed together 

for the children.

An age of moral and religious values 

glued their fate.

Distance grew,

pain filled in the gap.

My mother wanted more children,

my father did not.

I was never meant to be.

In middle age she bore me,

her only girl.

The love she wanted.

The love she needed.

My father’s lifestyle took him early,

he died at fifty-five.

My mother never wed again.

She had suffered enough.

She had enough of men.

I felt my mother’s aching/sorrow/anguish,

throughout my life.

I learned to live the life she lived. 

I bless her and I curse her to this day.

For, I was never meant to be.

Ann Christine Tabaka was nominated for the 2017 Pushcart Prize in Poetry. She is the winner of Spillwords Press 2020 Publication of the Year, her bio is featured in the “Who’s Who of Emerging Writers 2020 and 2021,” published by Sweetycat Press. She is the author of 13 poetry books. lives in Delaware, USA. She loves gardening and cooking.  Chris lives with her husband and four cats. Her most recent credits are: Sparks of Calliope; The Closed Eye Open, Poetic Sun, Tangled Locks Journal, Wild Roof Journal, The American Writers Review, The Scribe Magazine, The Phoenix, Burningword Literary Journal, Muddy River Poetry Review, The Silver Blade, Pomona Valley Review, West Texas Literary Review, The Hungry Chimera, Sheila-Na-Gig, Fourth & Sycamore.

*(a complete list of publications is available upon request)