whiskey is a horrible anti-anxiety medicine and why i don’t drink anymore by Scott Ferry

after my first drink

100 televisions unplug

but at 3 am 1000 televisions wake me

along with a howling gibbon

the next day another drink maybe 2 or 3—

relative quiet except anger

subtle at first as i spit at my family

but i really spit at god at the falling floor

at myself as a drop away

why am i angry if i am actually

scared the fear will never stop?

i can’t unplug this unless

i find the boy shaking

some round holes in his thorax

he says don’t help me i can do this

myself i am not dissolving

i am not crying

but i pull him into some light

i make by holding my chest and my testicles

and asking god (the god with spit

on his face) to heal me and he

does but so slowly

the holes still weep

mercury

as i pray

 Scott Ferry helps our Veterans heal as a RN in the Seattle area. In former lives he taught high school, managed aquatic centers, and practiced acupuncture. He has four books of poetry: The only thing that makes sense is to grow (Moon Tide, 2019), Mr. Rogers kills fruit flies (Main St. Rag, 2020), These Hands of Myrrh (Kelsay Books, 2021), and Sea of Marrow (Ethel Press, 2021). He has two books upcoming in 2022: fishmirror from Alien Buddha Press and Skinless in the Cereal Aisle from Impspired.