gagaku by Tohm Bakelas

for Steve Richmond

Lying here alone, upon this stinking

bed, covered in sweat, in this dark 

room of death, suffering from covid. 

Symptoms: a never ending headache 

from hell, nasal congestion, runny 

nose, appetite loss, persistent and 

productive cough, multiple fevers 

and total lack of sleep. When light 

breaks through the curtains it’s like 

a hot needle swiveling around the

inside of my skull. There’s nothing to 

do but shed tears and wipe them away. 

Attempting to distract myself from this 

nightmare, I grip the cat who has joined

me, and read Steve Richmond’s poems. 

This was a man who knew of great 

suffering. Knew it on so many different 

levels. Here, in my suffering, I imagine 

Steve smoking his joints, drinking his 

methadone to stay off the hard shit, 

while his demons swung axes at his 

neck attempting decapitation. I laugh 

at these thoughts while my demons 

dance around this room, cackling at 

my pain from shifting shadows as 

I break another fever and wonder 

how and when this might end. 

Tohm Bakelas is a social worker in a psychiatric hospital. He was born in New Jersey, resides there, and will die there. His poems have appeared in numerous journals, zines, and online publications. He has published 18 chapbooks and 2 collections of poetry and his latest book "The Ants Crawl In Circles" is available at Amazon.com. He runs Between Shadows Press.