Loaded Gun By Walden Quinn Caesar

 

Don't breathe,

Hold it in

Stay silent,

Don't open your mouth

Because if I speak

If I breathe

Then I risk

Falling to pieces

In this sea of

Strange faces

You see, I'm 

Barely holding it together

And I'm afraid

The simple act

Of breathing

Will lead to me

Needing

A new kind of help

I don't want to talk about

The mental strain

The way my brain

Is constantly on fire

And I almost wish

People would stop

Asking how I am

The question,

Less a question

And more an obligation

They don't want honesty

Just a generic answer

It's like a game of Russian roulette 

And I'm the asshole they pray

They won't get

Because I'm a little too honest

Don't breathe,

Hold it in

Don't know when

I'll be okay again 

But sometimes

I wonder

If I'm really the asshole,

Or the loaded gun

Either way,

They don't want my answer.

Walden Quinn Caesar is a nonbinary poet, novelist and author living in Southeast Indiana with their family. They have had a chapbook, novel and hybrid novel published by Alien Buddha Press, have a full length poetry collection due in November and just published a chapbook with Jude Miller. They've been published in numerous online and printed anthologies, and are the creator, editor and reviewer at Walden's Poetry & Reviews.