I don’t belong here. I decided to come early today, to check out this joint. So far, I’m unimpressed. Alcohol ain’t a problem for me, but the court disagrees.
Why can’t my hands stop shakin’? “Just one drink”, the devil on my shoulder whispers. I ain’t had a drink in forty-eight hours, and it feels like ants are crawlin’ under my skin. My heart is hammerin’ in my ribcage like a trapped bird, and my mouth feels rank and parched–swallowin’ hurts. If this is what it’s like to quit drinkin’, I’ll have a bourbon and coke please. Nobody likes a drunk clown.
Last month I tried jugglin’ sober and the pins kept flyin’ out of my hands. My balance was off on my unicycle. I’m not sayin’ I perform better drunk–just a nip to take the edge off, ya’ know? People laugh at my jokes louder when I’m sauced. I’m funnier that way…ain’t I? Just one sip of booze and the world sings me a lullaby. It feels like I’m in love… tinglin’ down my arms; elated and wantin’ more.
The birthday party was an easy gig after a fifth of liquor. Children dropped on the ground laughin’ when I fell in the pool….the parents, not so much. The cops were definitely not amused–the judge wasn’t either–ninety meetings in ninety days.
Lately, nobody’s been laughin’. My family’s long-sufferin’ faces twist and stab me with guilt. My body aches; cravin’ alcohol while nausea swamps my stomach–the room’s playin’ hide and seek with my eyeballs. I got here early ‘cause I thought they might help me–these fresh-faced, happy people laughin’ in this shabby place. Maybe there is hope. Maybe I can be funny again. Can I be a sober clown? Just one drink…
Patricia Pease has Patricia Pease has been published in Barren, Hippocampus, Little Old Ladies, BULL, Revolution John and more. She alternates writing while shooing cats off her keyboard. published in Barren, Hippocampus, Little Old Ladies, BULL, Revolution John and more. She alternates writing while shooing cats off her keyboard.
Brilliant writing Pats. Xx
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