Drunk Haze by George Gad Economou

swilling down bourbon till the very end of memories, 

stumbling my way out of the barroom engirdled by fancy dinner-goers

in a bar not for drunkards and barflies; spending money I don’t have

on expensive bourbon that does the same job as the rotgut

I drained back when I first took residence on a barstool. 

trying to figure things out, drinking to breathe

after two weeks of stone-cold sobriety, to sooth the aching heart,

to break free even for a moment from the chain around my ankles. 

breathless, searching for fucking serenity, 

yet, there’s none; the hangover mornings filled with nagging, 

with long discussions—I was once told I’m an alcoholic.

I never denied it, never thought to seek help.

even now, that I know sobriety must, for a while, be embraced,

as soon as I smell bourbon, as soon as a cold beer lands in front of me, 

there’s no way to end the night but to blackout, forget, be forgotten, 

walk straight into the dark, dense mist wherein the world ceases to exist,

where all problems magically become infinitesimal.

drunk, thinking of Emily, of the years drunk and stoned, searching

for the coveted way out of everything; finding nothing but desolation, 

I pour the first glass of the day, ready to take it all away. sick of sobriety, 

unable any longer to breathe, the first sip is long, smooth, 

finally, a draw of fresh air, suddenly, I feel alive and the keys dance

once more. 

endless pursuits of nothingness, in the dark I sit, all alone, 

unwilling to talk to anyone, wasting time.

 

Currently residing in Greece, George Gad Economou has a Master’s degree in Philosophy of Science and is the author of Bourbon Bottles and Broken Beds (Adelaide Books), Of the Riverside (Anxiety Press), Reeling Off the Barstool (Dumpster Fire Press) and The Omega Of Us All (Anxiety Press). His words have also appeared, amongst other places, in Spillwords Press, Ariel Chart, Cajun Mutt Press, Fixator Press, Horror Sleaze Trash, Outcast Press, The Piker Press, The Beatnik Cowboy, The Rye Whiskey Review, and Modern Drunkard Magazine.