Showing posts sorted by relevance for query as if nothing ever happened. Sort by date Show all posts
Showing posts sorted by relevance for query as if nothing ever happened. Sort by date Show all posts

Wednesday, June 27, 2018

As If Nothing Ever Happened. by Jesse Lynn Rucilez



    December 26th, 2017.
    Stark City, Oregon.
    1:11 p.m.
    “I don’t care who you are to anyone else,” he said, fists clenched at his side. Restraining himself. “You’re nothing to me anymore.”
    She looked hurt. Once, she’d been the world to him; everything. His eyes sparkled when he looked at her. Now, his eyes looked hollow; reflecting something she couldn’t understand. “But…it’s been three years.”
    “I don’t care if it’s been ten. Or a hundred. Or a thousand.”
    They stood on the vaunted Stark City archway. Above them, the dismal sky threatened rain. Below them, Stark Boulevard pulsed like an artery through the heart of downtown. This chance meeting had ruined an otherwise mellow day. He’d seen her on the archway and averted his eyes, determined to pass without a word. But she’d called out to him in a jovial tone. Called his name and walked over to him.
    Grinning. As if nothing ever happened.
    He exhaled. Not a sigh, but a sharp, sudden eruption. Almost a warning. Just the sight of her brought everything back. All the angst. All the anguish. All the anger.
    “Look,” she said, offering a conciliatory smile, “I’m sorry about how things ended between us.”
    He glared at her. The her from his dark, sordid past. The her which almost every man has once known and left behind. The her he associates with pain.
    “Five years,” he breathed, beginning to tremble. “Before you, I went five years without anyone in my life.”
She drew back, frowning. Confused. Offended. “I said I’m sorry.”
    He winced as sharp memories tore through him. Afterwards. All those months. Hour after hour, day after day, week after week. A brutal cycle of rage and depression. Some days, unable to drag himself from bed. Some days, furious at everyone and everything. An aching, empty, loneliness in the center of his shattered being.
    All because of her.
    Again, she tried to smile. “It wouldn’t have worked between us. You know that.”
    “I don’t care.”
    “Well…I just wanted to say that it’s good to see you, and that I’m happy.”
    “I don’t care.”
    “Look, I was honest with you from the start.” She raised her left hand. “See? I’m married now.”
    “I don’t care.”
    “I have a daughter now, too. She’s beautiful.”
    “I don’t care.”
    She paused, imploring him with her gaze. “Can’t we…can’t we still be friends?”
    Incredulous, he shook his head.
    “Please?” Now her eyes shone with desperation; a child’s need for approval.
    Silent, expressionless, he bit down on his pride, on his roiling fury, and turned away. Not quite what she deserved, but good enough.
    “Why are you so angry?” she asked; hollow and frustrated.
    Unclenching his fists, he began to walk away…and didn’t look back.
    As if nothing ever happened.
—January 17th, 2017







Jesse Lynn Rucilez was born in Reno, Nevada. Growing up, Jesse was an avid reader of Sherlock Holmes stories and Marvel Comics. Throughout his life, Jesse has mainly worked in the security industry, both in Seattle, Washington and Reno, Nevada, and taught self-defense for several years before deciding to focus on writing. Inspired by authors such as Harlan Ellison, Stephen King, and Kurt Vonnegut, he prefers to write literary horror and science fiction, exploring what he calls “the dark side of the American Dream.”  More information about Jesse's fiction can be found @ http://www.jlrucilez.wordpress.com

Monday, May 15, 2023

The Last Of His Kind by John Patrick Robbins

Saturday, June 3rd, the border of Mackay Island Wildlife Refuge.

Barbra Zelinski sat at the picnic table with her daughter, the blonde-haired toddler gleeful as ever, as she heard things crashing around inside the old trailer that sat tucked away beside the Mackay Island Wildlife Refuge.

Her daughter was lost in her own world as she sat upon the small blanket in the backyard.

"Goddammit, bitch! Can't you even keep a fucking six-pack in this stupid fridge!"

She heard Wayne yell out! 

Even the baby stared only in the direction of a full-grown man throwing a temper tantrum as Wayne Dixon often did. And as Barbra listened, she lit a cigarette, looked at her daughter, and smiled.

“You know honey; if only he were as passionate in bed as he was about his Nascar and his circle jerks and beer, maybe it would make it actually worth putting up with his spoiled man-child ass. Wayne, how about instead of rearranging my kitchen, you carry your entitled ass to the store and go grab some, then keep on truckin’ back home to your wife!”

Wayne opened the front door sticking his head out the door.

“Bitch, stop barking at me. How hard is it to have some damn basic comforts to keep me happy when I am here? Besides, I fix half the stuff in this rinky-dink candominium when I am here for free, so shut the fuck up!”

Barbra shot up, enraged, oblivious to her daughter and just about everything as the loudmouth occasional bed partner had hit a nerve.

"That's cause you break half the shit here, you fucking bastard! Besides, you would shit if I told my landlord and your father-in-law how half the crap got fixed being his son-in-law can't keep his motherfucking hands off other people's property or his first and only steady paying tenant, you son of bitch!"

And like that, it was on, as for some people, arguing seemed like an aphrodisiac. As equally, it was always the same scenario for these two part-time lovers and borderline full-time drunks.

As the fight inside the house was an overrated yelling match that would eventually turn into an excuse to take it to the bedroom for not-so-gentle hate fuck.

Barbra's daughter Toni awkwardly stood upon unstable legs as she viewed something in the tall grass that led into the quasi-vast nature reserve that was Mackay Island.

In the grass, the pack viewed the small child.

They knew crossing man’s borders was all but forbidden, but if the child stepped across that invisible threshold into theirs, wasn't it fair game?

The three coyotes fought the urge to pounce as the little child slowly edged toward them.

“We can't do this, Samuel, I know…”

“Mind your tongue before I rip it out along with your throat, Kane!”

The alpha coyote snapped, baring his fangs.

“Knock it off, you two!” Caleb snapped. “Look, that human child's almost within our grasp, and you're going to screw up our moment to feast over a pissing contest!”

Samuel turned his attention and knelt down as the small idiot child giggled as she babbled some gibberish.

“Hi, puppy.”

She said as at last she was so close they could smell that disgusting stench of soap humans so cherished that told of their arrival for what seemed like a mile ahead of their actual appearance.

“Puppy, puppy, puppy.”

The others busted out in laughter.

“She thinks you're a mongrel house pet, Samuel; aww, how cute. Maybe if you act nice, they will put a collar on you, give you a bowl with your name on it, and chain you to a wasp-infested dog house.”

Caleb said as the pack cracked up together as Samuel's hair bristled.

The little girl was at last within reach as suddenly Barbra, half-clothed, opened the door.

“Toni, sweetie, come back.”

Barbra said as she saw something standing at the edge of the woods. Fear shot through her heart as she screamed out.

The others saw the woman as the small child awkwardly turned. Caleb and Kane bolted, knowing all hell was surely about to break loose.

They all bolted except Samuel. He viewed the woman jump off the porch and run for her daughter as a disheveled man soon appeared behind her. He ran towards his truck in what Samuel could only assume was to fetch man's true best friend, a shotgun.

Samuel knew what he should do, but he had a desire to cross that forbidden border, and within him was the desire for revenge and an urge to feast upon the tenderness of young human flesh.

The woman's screams were deafening; the child slowly began to walk away as Samuel pounced, grabbing the child's shirt and a bit of flesh as she screamed out as he bolted into the woods.

Samuel heard the women's cries and the thunder of a gunshot, but nothing could match the beating of his heart within his chest as he flew faster than he had ever run before.

It seemed like a mile before he even considered slowing down as, at last, he met up with the others; as they looked at him In utter disbelief.

He dropped the crying child to the ground.

“Have you lost your mind! You've broken the law between us and them, you fucking fool!”

Kane snapped as Celeb just stared, dismayed at his friend's pure, undiluted stupidity.

Samuel struggled to catch his breath as he made his way to the marsh to drink.

“We are all good as dead, you fool! The only hope we have is to swim, and we will most likely drown trying to get off of this island. We have to leave her now!”

Samuel laughed as water ran from his jowls.

“Today, we paid man back for its ignorance in putting us in this cursed place. Do you know what I smelt in the air of men? I smelt fear as I took its youth, and it tasted exquisite.”

“You've lost it, Samuel! We have to go now; they will hunt us until extinction, so cut the bullshit. We have to go!” Kane snapped.

Samuel laughed at the fear within his fellow brothers.

“Oh yes, we are going to leave alright because we are going to have a feast upon the north point, and I am going to cherish this child's cries as I rip her limb from limb as I devour that ever so tender flesh.”

The others went dead silent, for they knew their brother had gone mad as at the mere suggestion of doing what he implied equally thrilled them as it shot fear through their spines.

Celeb looked at Samuel as finally he broke his silence.

“But that's his territory; you know what happened the last time we tried crossing his borders. I mean, look what he did to Gabriel.”

“And remember what I did to him! He has weakened in that time. We have grown stronger. For all we know, he could be dead. Either way, we will feast in his territory, and the humans, like idiots, will blame him, not us.”

Kane went to speak but was cut off as Celeb looked at him.

“He's right, brother; it's been many a moon since we've even heard him howl into the night we hurt him last time. Hell, Samuel almost had him; this child means nothing to us besides we deserve this after all they have put our kind through.”

Kane's words were pointless. He knew, much like in the madness of men, there truly was no reaching his brothers.
As the child's cries drowned out everything, soon they were off to cross yet another invisible border into the territory of Einar, the last of his kind.

The air itself seemed to have a heaviness as the coyotes tried to avoid sight and crossing of any roads. At last, they crossed the gate into his home.

They were the bastard sons, so to speak, coming home to a property they had no claim to, as the men of this island had killed largely everything that didn't suit them for the amusement of shooting their guns and watching things die.

And as the sun was near setting at last worn from the run, they arrived near his den, where they watched him kill Gabriel.

They all were exhausted as the child still cried for her mother.

“I will so enjoy shutting that disgusting brat up as I rip out her throat,” Samuel said.

“We should leave now. We've already outstayed our welcome and brought down enough trouble without encountering him.”

Kane nervously said, looking around, he could sense his presence, but you could only call out his wrath for so long before he made an appearance.

The pack heard a snap of a twig as, in unison, their ears together shot up.

As a raccoon took one look at the pack and quickly made its way back up a tree.

As Samuel burst out in laughter.

“You see, there is nothing to fear. He is dead. We are the only thing anyone should fear; we now rule this sanctuary, so let us bask in our spoils!”

Kane watched in fear and mock disgust at what he knew he himself was about to view and had no control over.

The small child tried to stand, her face red from crying as Samuel quickly knocked her down, standing upon her chest.
As opened his jaws as he prepared to wrap them around the toddler's throat.

Kane looked away as Celeb laughed, lost within Samuel's shared madness.
As all parties ignored the sound of the brush clearing as Einar, the enormous black wolf stood before them, a huge scar upon his face, his eye gone from their past skirmish.

But no matter his harsh appearance, he was still very much alive.

The growl seemed to vibrate the earth itself.

“I see your brother's death was not a suitable message, you foolish mongrel. You've now crossed my borders, and there must be blood spilt for your intrusion!”

Samuel took his jaws from the now in-hysterics child's throat as Einar bolted, knocking the coyote off the girl.

Samuel, amazed even now at his strength as the realization it would take the entire pack's effort to bring him down sunk in.

“Leave now!”

“And let you have the spoils of our hunt? You old fool, have you not forgotten who gave you that scar one-eye?”

“And have you not forgotten the screams of your brother you abandoned as I took his life, the brother far superior to yourself, you mongrel trash! Yes, he was tough, and I paid a hell of a price, but here I stand as he was food for the buzzards as one day maybe now I shall leave you just the same!”

“We can take him, Samuel; look, he is blind in one eye; he is weak. If we attack now, he doesn't stand a chance!”

The pack stood together as the child was pinned underneath Einar, sobbing.

The old wolf knew this would be a fight to his death, but he would not take that journey alone.

The mongrels had been brought here as so had his descendants years ago, but they were brought here in sport for the entitled fools to hunt, but his kin had escaped their sight; they believed they were gone. Einar was but a ghost that only the most skilled of hunters had ever caught a glimpse of.

And now, in the actions of these mongrel fools, they had endangered his peace by bringing this human child into his domain.

The standoff was interrupted by the sound of the human vehicles.

“You idiots, you don't even know what you've really done, do you?”

The pack knew they had to flee in the open; they didn't stand a chance against men and their four-wheelers with their guns.

“You're lucky for now, old fool. We're returning for that child; she's our kill, not yours.”

Samuel said. 

The others bolted at the sound of the vehicles approaching on the gravel road.

“You return, you die, simple as that!”

“See you soon, one-eye.”

Samuel said, laughing as he ran off with his band of mongrel coyote trash.

Einar stood, making sure they left as he looked at the small child, he knew he should leave her, but in dealing with the bastard trash in coyotes, this was not a wise choice.

But nothing in this current situation bore a bright ending. No matter the road, he bore down as Einar gently as possible, grabbed at the back of the child's clothes, and carried her off into his den that overlooked the sound.

Einar sat there as the child sniffled and lay there staring; maybe she was sick in the skull, he did not know. But she did alarm him when she stood. Humans upon two legs were always a threat no matter their size, as she sucked upon her thumb as she walked towards him.

He growled slightly, but she paid Einar no mind as she spoke.

“Puppy.”

Puppy? Einar thought to himself this putrid-smelling human child was clearly almost as big of an idiot as Samuel and the other coyote trash.

Einar, although against his better judgment, knew the young humankind could still, at that age, hear the words of the old voices as he looked deep into the child's eyes and spoke into her thoughts.

“Do you understand me? You must listen, you little fool.”

The child reached out, touching Einar's scar as he slightly bared his fangs, yet nothing seemed to deter this foolish child's intrusion into the old wolf's personal space.

Einar tried to speak to the child again.

“If you do not get away from me, you little fool, I will kill you myself, and stop touching me. I'm not a fucking dog, let alone a godforsaken puppy!”

The little blonde girl lit up in laughter, oblivious to the threat Einar did impose.

“Look, you idiot…”

The girl paused and spoke at last.

“Bitch.”

“What did you just say? You vile little human!”

“Bitch, bitch bitch bitch!”

The little girl excitedly said, laughing the entire time.

“Stop it, you idiot.”

“Bitch!”

How humans did not eat their young was beyond Einar.
Now he questioned why he did not allow Samuel and his pack to tear this annoying little foul-mouthed child to pieces.

“Bitch, Bitch!”

“Wow, and they question why humanity itself is upon the verge of extinction with such great blossoming minds as yourself. Don't you know any other words, child?”

The little girl looked at Einar again.

"Ahh Fuck!"

Einar was baffled at where the pack had found this cursing little buffoon. She continued to amuse herself by her spewing of vulgarities until she almost wore herself out as she laid against the old wolf, very much to his utter disdain.

The night quickly set in as Einar tried his best to mask the pain as the child's laying upon him caused him agony as the disease that grew within his stomach consumed him with every passing day.

As finally, she spoke within his thoughts as she looked within his eyes.

“What's your name?”

“Einar.”

“That's a silly name. Why did you save me?”

“I didn't; I hate humans as I hate you, child. I just don't want your kind destroying my home looking for you. Your cries disrupted my sleep. That's the only reason I came to your supposed recuse to shut you up.”

“My name’s Toni.”

“I'm enlightened by this revelation.” Einar replied as he could not bear the child's muttering stupidity anymore.

“Where are you going?”

“To find the mongrels to see if they still want you so I can have so, I can die peacefully without the torture that is your voice to annoy me.”

“Don't leave, please!”

The small child began to cry.

Einar ignored her as he began to walk away when the old wanderer did appear as he always did, seemingly out of nowhere.

“Hello, Einar, and who is your little friend?”

The old man said, walking past the wolf to pick up the little girl, who giggled happily.

“Hello, little baby!”

Einar was baffled at the old man's way with the child, but then again, the old fool was not like the men he viewed from a great distance; he could not track his comings and goings no matter how hard Einar tried.

As the old man tended to the child as well as any woman with ease as he kept her laughing as he made a bed for her from an old blanket he had in his pack as if with some odd magic, the small child was fast asleep.

As the old man motioned Einar to follow him down by the water as he sat silent for a great deal before speaking.

“You know, Einar, they have not left, and this is not your battle, my friend.”

“So what would you have had me do? Let the child of your kind be torn to pieces while I did nothing?”

“I did not say what they have done was right. You know there is no good end to this. They have brought upon themselves their own downfall as well as your own. They will erase you all, and you know it.”

Einar knew what the old man said was true, but it enraged him nonetheless, yet he kept it within.

“Where is her home?”

The old man said nothing.

“Where is her home? Don't make me ask again!”

“You know you cannot take her there between Samuel and his brothers to her people. You just cannot, Einar. I'm sorry, my old friend, but I cannot help you.”

“Goddamn, you old fool! I'm not asking the almighty to interfere; I am asking where I can return her, so tell me before!”

“Before what! You know the laws of nature, and you know there are borders your kind cannot cross. I do not rule humanity; I only watch it decay much like the cancer that eats you from within, so do not ask me about this insanity anymore.”

The old man snapped as he stood up.

Einar understood his old friend's concern, but he also knew there was no other option.

“Please, I know you get this more than anyone. I cannot fight whatever will be my friend. I can only help her. This is my choice; please respect it.”

The old man began to walk off but paused for a second.

“The old Carson home, that's where the child lives. Goodbye, Einar.”

And with that, the old man was gone.
As the winds blew gently through the trees as Einar felt the sting within his intestines as he howled into the night with a haunting sound that echoed across the reserve.

It was both a cry of pain and an odd war cry that the pack heard and fully understood.


What awaited them tomorrow was certain; the Gods of men would be satisfied in their bloodlust as Einar howled again. To let the earth know he did exist, if only in this moment.

That night he lay beside the little blonde child peacefully as she slept, unaware in the innocence that is the youth of all species alike.

As in the morning, he found Toni clinging to him.

“Wake up, you little pest; I'm taking you home.”

“Why?”

“Because the sound of your cries disturb my peace, and they will most likely kill off everything around, including myself, the longer I let you stay here, and your stench alone reveals a skunk, you turd.”


Toni busted up laughing.

“You're so silly; I love you, bitch.”

“Stop calling me that! Before I decide to go back on my word and leave you here to rot.”

“Okay, puppy.”

Einar knew it was pointless, so he simply gripped the child as best he could and began the journey. He knew once out in the open was the true danger, and much to his surprise, there was no sight of Samuel and his brothers.

The trip was agonizing in itself. As soon he was out of his territory and entering the pacts as he could smell their putrid stench everywhere. He took a small break as the route to the Carson estate took a path directly through their domain.

“Einar, why can't I walk?”

Toni asked.

“Because I'd like to get there before the first snowfall, and your inferior human legs will only slow us down.”

“I'm sorry, don't be mad at me, please.”

The girl said as tears began to stream down her face.

Einar couldn't afford her to go into a crying spell.

“Look, I'm sorry, okay, we have to be quiet now. I have to get you home, and this is not an easy task.”

The little girl clung to Einar.

“I don't want you to leave me. I want to stay with you.”

Einar knew the girl was simply a child, but he had to admit she was far more mentally deranged than he first expected.

“Toni, you are not my kind, you must be with your own, but I want you to know whenever you hear my howl upon the winds, I am always with you, okay?”

The little girl looked at him, tears running down her face.

“I like your scar.”

“Thank you, and for a human, your stench is far less putrid than the rest. Now can we go before I regret not eating you myself?”

“Can I ride you like a horse?”

Einar did not bother entertaining her question as he had already lost all his dignity. There was no need to be cruel.

Einar sensed the pack around him as he neared the field but still could not figure out what they were up to as, at last, they did appear as they stood between the edge of the woods and the overgrown field.

Samuel spoke.

“Thank you for returning our meal one-eye. Just drop her, and I will let you go. We don't have to do this. The past is what it is, you old fool.”


Einar gently put Toni down.

As he stepped in front of her.

“You idiots don't get it. I always keep my word, so I hope you plan on dying for this stupid bastard, no matter the outcome. We are dead from his actions.”

The pack said nothing, and this told Einar where they truly stood as he could smell Toni's people upon the wind. He knew nothing would stand between him and his destination.


The pack and Einar collided as Samuel fell underneath Einar’s weight as he tore into him. The searing pain met him as Caleb tore into his leg as Kane bit into the side of his face.

Einar felt the muscle tear from his leg as he screamed out. Toni viewed the savagery crying out as the old wolf was clearly outmatched as the coyote pulled at Einar’s leg, as the now-free Samuel joined the onslaught upon the downed wolf.

The pain was like fire as blood flowed from his nearly destroyed leg.

Einar knew he could not win this fight; his only chance was to flee.

His nails scratched at Kane's face catching his eye allowing him just enough space to latch down on Caleb's neck, who in turn released his death grip upon his back leg.

As he shook off the already injured Samuel.

Einar, dragging his bad leg, sunk his fangs into Toni as it was the only way to get ahold of her quickly; as she screamed out as he bolted out of the woods into the field; the Carson place was already in sight, as was the hunting party.

Einar knew the pack was upon him. But he was oblivious to everything, even the girl's cries as the woman he assumed to be Toni's mother screamed out, running to meet the wolf as a shotgun blast echoed into the air.

The pack fled as Einar paused, seeing the men in their hunting gear some distance from the woman as he dropped Toni.

Einar’s lungs felt as though they would explode; his leg was all but useless; the little girl reached for him as he nipped at her.

“I have to go; there is no other choice.”

The woman was almost upon Einar as he turned to limp away, trying as best he could to summon the strength to escape.

He heard Toni's cries as the man nearly knocked Barbra and her child over to line up the shot.

“What are you doing? Wayne, he gave her back; leave it alone.”

“Yeah, and that's a fucking wolf; it would have killed your baby had we not scared it off.”

Einar’s heart pounded as he neared the treeline as the shot sounded, as the slug tore into his spine as he flipped end over end.

As Einar lay there, unable to move, every breath became a struggle as he heard the footfalls of his killer approach.

The glee in the man's voice was sickening as he slowly approached the wolf.
He stepped down upon Einar’s already damaged leg as it snapped like a twig.

Einar screamed, bearing his fangs as the second blast released him from his agony as the raven flew overhead. 

And the strained heart of the last of his kind beat no more.

As the little girl’s screams mourned the wolf.
As foretold by Einar, the men soon would erase the coyotes from this small island.

The young child would grow into a beautiful woman and leave this scar of the past behind as she would move far into the mountains of Carolina.
But even though erased from thought some nights as she sat upon the back porch, drink in hand, looking off into the darkness, she would almost be brought to tears with a strange sense of comfort in hearing a lone wolf's howl.





JPR, is a southern gothic writer who's work has been published in. Svartedauden Zine, The Dope Fiend Daily,  Disturb The Universe, Piker  Press, Cotard,  It Takes All Kinds Literary Zine and Fixator Press.

His latest book is Are We Dead Yet? from Black Circle Publishing. 

Available through Amazon. 

Monday, August 27, 2018

Patriots by Julian Gallo


Independence Day, 1979


The weed we smoke stinks to high heaven and I keep my eye on the roof door to make sure no one comes through. Tad and Carlo are busy trying to keep the joint from ‘canoeing’ as the fireworks burst over the Manhattan skyline in the distance.
    
We aren’t supposed to be up there, of course, but we know how to get the door open and lord knows the fire alarm never worked. We have to slip a rock or a piece of wood to keep it from closing and stranding us up there. This twenty-four story building is the tallest in the neighborhood, rivaling the college’s Student Union building which looms over the campus like a monolith. The building we’re on top of lords over the modest homes and the apartment complexes owned by the electricians union. 

Carlo and I have paper routes there, as well as in this building, which makes it easy to gain access. In fact, we both have a customer on the first floor, a deaf couple, whose lights flash whenever someone rings their bell on the intercom in the lobby. They just buzz you in. From there, we take the elevator up to the sixteenth floor to Shannon’s apartment. Shannon is our contact for weed.
    
Another burst. Green and yellow sparks cascade down towards the East River. Again, I turn my eye towards the door. I keep thinking that the building’s residents must come up to the roof on the 4th of July. It’s the best vantage point for watching the fireworks, that is, if you couldn’t or didn’t want to bother cramming in with everyone over in Manhattan, but no one comes up and Tad speculates they’re probably watching from their balconies since every apartment in the building has one. I hope he’s right.
    
Tad passes the joint to me and I take a deep toke, hold the smoke in my lungs and exhale just as another explosion of fireworks lights up the evening sky, this time Red, White and Blue. We’re awaiting the finale, which is always a spectacle. Meanwhile, some of the neighborhood boys are setting off their own fireworks, pitiful things in comparison to what we’re watching, usually sputtering out before they even reach the fifth floor of the building.
   
I pass the joint to Carlo, who takes it without a word and tokes on it, looks out over the skyline, observes the next burst of fireworks — glittering white, flashing and slowly disappearing before they even reach the ground. Carlo is unusually quiet, pensive. He isn’t himself. I’m not sure if it’s because of the weed or if it’s something else. Ever since we left Shannon’s apartment with our score, he’d been acting a little strange. I’m not sure Tad even notices.
    
When Shannon answered the door she looked at Carlo and smiled. Tad and I know Shannon is sweet on Carlo but he would never be interested in a girl like her. Short, fat, pear shaped, she wasn’t quite Carlo’s type who were usually much thinner and more athletic. A lot of guys in the neighborhood were into Shannon but none of us could understand why. She had huge tits, perhaps that was it. Nevertheless she’s kind of trashy, abrasive, with a voice as rough as sandpaper. Tad and I are too overly obsessed about the girls in our junior high school to care about Shannon. Besides, Shannon is about two years older than us, as is Carlo. They’re already in high school.
    
The weed starts kicking in. I’m not sure what kind of weed it is but the weed we usually score from Shannon is particularly potent. It doesn’t take much for me to get high from it. Tad, who smokes weed much more than I ever do, needs a bit more to get high, which is why we always buy two from Shannon. I never need more than a couple of hits before I start feeling it. As Tad sets fire to the second one and passes it to me, I’ve already had enough so I pass it to Carlo, who, cloaked in shadow, takes a long pull, sending tiny sparks off the end of the joint and into the night sky. Again, I turn my attention towards the roof door.
    
I wish we had some music, Tad says. I should have brought my box.
    Better that you didn’t, Carlo says, turning to look at the next burst of fireworks — blue and white, cascading. We’d have been busted for sure.
    Carlo passes the joint to Tad.
    Don’t bogart that joint, my friend, Carlo sings, alluding to one of the old songs we listen to on Tad’s box.
    Pass it over to me... Tad sings.
    I lean back against the wall of the roof’s fire exit, again keeping an eye on the door. The explosion of fireworks rumble across the New York night; whistling chasers squeal and burst; mats of firecrackers all set off at once; bottle rockets pop off like sad little gunshots; the occasional M-80 or Blockbuster echo in the canyon of the apartment buildings. Yes, it’s a typical Independence Day but we aren’t all that interested in doing anything more than getting high. The fireworks are secondary. Afterwards we plan on going down to the park to hang out and drink some beer which we can easily score from the deli. They never check IDs.
    
After Carlo taps out the last of the joint against the wall, he slips the ‘roach’ into his wallet. He collects them, keeps them in a jar in his bedroom. This way, if we can’t score any weed — which is rare — we can roll them all up and get something out of them.
    Are you all right, Carlo? I ask. You seem kind of quiet tonight.
   
I’m okay, he says, his knees drawn up to his chest, gazing out over the next explosion of fireworks. Just a little tired, that’s all.
    Are we going to the park? Tad asks. I could use a nice cold beer.
   
That’s the plan, Carlo says, and to be honest, I could use one myself. It’s hot as balls, nearly eighty-five degrees, humid, and it’s beginning to drizzle. In a way I hope it starts pouring so it will cool things off a little. We’ve been out all day and I feel grimy, my neck perpetually slick with sweat.
    The rain feels good, Tad says, turning his face towards the sky, looking for God knows what.
   
Carlo doesn’t say anything, gets up and walks over to the railing, looks down. After a while he comes walking back over to us. My mother and sister are in the front yard, he says. They got sparklers.
    Remember when that’s all our parents would let us have? Tad says.    
    That’s all my parents would let me have when I was little.
    I used to like to make sizzlers out of the spent firecrackers, Carlo says.
    We’d all done that, as well as search the neighborhood for duds, trying to see if we could set them off. There were always a lot of spent fireworks around after the 4th. A lot of them wound up in our back yards, making July 5th a clean-up day, by order of our fathers. That’s the one thing I never liked about the holiday. Sometimes the projectiles wound up on our roofs.
    
Remember last year when Raymond set off that blockbuster? Tad says. Holy shit, that was something else, wasn’t it?
    He’d been bragging about that for months, Carlo says. I didn’t believe he really had one but when he brought it out that night, I was amazed. I had no idea where he got it from.
    Chinatown, probably, I say. My cousin goes there every year, comes home with bags full of fireworks.
    His dad must have bought it, Tad says. My parents would never let me have that. No way.
    
When Raymond brought out the blockbuster last year, he lit it, set a coffee can over it. Everyone on the block ran, staying clear from what we all thought was going to happen — imagining shrapnel going everywhere. I ducked behind a car because that was precisely what I thought was going to happen. When it went off, I felt the concussion in my chest and it made my ears ring. The can blew a good five feet in the air and crashed back down to the street, full of dents, smoke pouring out of its opening. For the next couple of days he wouldn’t shut up about it, bragging and boasting of his one moment being the popular kid.
    It was much easier when we were little kids, wasn’t it? Carlo says.
    It’s not so bad now, Tad says. I mean, we have a lot more freedom.
    True, Carlo says. And isn’t that what we’re supposed to be celebrating today?
    Tad laughs. Man, you are high, aren’t you?
    You know what I mean, Carlo says. Don’t be a dick.
    
We don’t speak during the fireworks show’s finale; a steady stream of explosions, bursts of light, and a rumbling you can feel in your chest. We’re a good eight miles from Manhattan and it amazes us that we can still feel it. The neighborhood fireworks begin going off in unison.
    The Russians are coming, Tad quips.
    Shit, imagine? Only I don’t think it would sound like this, I say.
    No, man. One big flash and we’d be vaporized. Just like that.
    Fucked up.
    We’d never knew it happened, Carlo says. If it ever does, I want to be at Ground Zero so I can just be vaporized and be done with it. Imagine living through it?
    Yeah, man, Tad says, pulling at his eyebrow, a curious tick of his, I wouldn’t want to have my hair start falling out, my skin peeling off, my eyes melting.
    I don’t know why but I laugh when he says that, laugh so hard that the two of them look at me as if I’m crazy.
    Good weed, Tad says, laughing. What the hell’s so funny?
    I don’t know, I just imagined you looking at me and your eyeballs begin melting down the front of your face.
    And that’s funny to you? Tad says, incredulous.
    But I can’t stop laughing. It’s good weed.




. . . . . .


Later that evening we pick up a six pack of cheap beer and head into the park as planned. We call it a park but it’s really more of a playground — handball courts, large softball field, basketball hoops — and on the other side, benches, swings, see-saws, monkey bars, a sprinkler which was never turned on, and what we called ‘the park house’, which used to be, in some other age, the bathrooms. It’s now just a crumbling wreck which we use to take a leak.
    
We’re sitting at the chess tables with Marcus and Janet. Marcus is one of the older guys. He thought himself the neighborhood philosopher, always pontificating about deep shit that’s always over our heads but we’re always so high that he usually holds our attention as we try to contemplate these half-baked ideas of his. You can never be invisible, he said to us once, because if you were all your molecules would just float away. At the time we thought that the most profound thing we ever heard. We didn’t know he was just one of the neighborhood drug addicts.
   
Janet on the other hand is a girl who had once been a greasy, acne ridden mess who, seemingly overnight, completely transformed herself. She suddenly began wearing make up, fixed her hair, started wearing tight jeans and blouses. Even her voice changed, going from the typical Queens drawl into that of what she thought was a soft-spoken sophisticate. She sits beside Marcus, hangs all over him in fact, and knowing Marcus, he probably fucked her already. Janet is the same age as Tad and I. Marcus is at least three to four years older than Carlo. You do the math on that one.
    
Did you guys see the fireworks? Marcus asks us, lighting up one his Marlboros. Janet and I were down at the college. There’s a good open spot there on campus where you could see everything.
    It was beautiful, Janet says, gazing up at Marcus with what she thought was her come-hither look.
    Marcus looks right down Janet’s shirt, then puts his arm around her, the alpha dog marking his territory, as if we’d even consider being with Janet.
   
You know, it’s kind of weird that we’d be celebrating Independence Day when you consider how much our government has us by the balls, Marcus says. It’s all fear, man. All fear. They try to keep us afraid, making us think that at any moment the Russians are going to wipe us off the face of the earth. I mean, what about the Russian citizens, just like us, man. They’re probably scared to death of us. We could wipe them off the face of the earth just as easily.
   
Fuck ‘em, Tad says and I begin to laugh, again, not knowing why exactly. The combination of the weed and the way Tad says it.
    Yeah, fuck ‘em, you say, Marcus says. Right now there are kids just like you, probably hanging out in their version of this park, scared shitless that they’re going to be wiped out any second. Doesn’t it bother you that today could be your last, that you can go home tonight and without warning be turned into ash? That’s not how we’re supposed to live, man. It’s our leaders. They control everything, they don’t give a shit about us at all.
   
Except for election time, Janet says, again giving Marcus the come-hither look.
    I don’t know why but I suddenly become extremely agitated and disgusted with Janet. No shit, I thought. Nothing peeves me more than when someone says something just to say it, even when they don’t know what the fuck they’re talking about.
    
Marcus goes on and on about all this political shit, stuff none of even think about. It’s hard enough just being a kid. What do we know about any of it? All we care about is music, getting high, and having a good time. Marcus is starting to bum our trip.
    Then Shannon shows up, walks into the park with that pigeon-toed walk of hers. She’s wearing a tight red shirt, showing off her massive tits. Her jeans are so tight I can’t figure out how she even got them on. She runs her fingers through her feathered brown hair and bellows Carlo’s name.
    Ah, Jesus, Carlo grumbles, what the fuck does she want?
    Ask her if she’s got anymore weed, Tad says.
    She approaches the table and says hello, bullshits with Marcus and Janet for a moment, then squeezes in next to me, squashing me between herself and Tad, her cheap perfume turning my stomach.
    Did you see the fireworks? she asks, her gravely voice like nails on a chalkboard.
    We tell her that we did and she tells us that she watched them from her balcony with her brother. My parents are at my grandmothers, she says, so me and my brother toked up on the balcony as we watched them. Then she looks at Carlo. Can I talk to you for a minute?
    Can it wait? Carlo says.
    It’s important.
   
Tad and I give each other a knowing look as Carlo follows Shannon across the park.
    They talk for quite a while. As Marcus goes on and on with this pseudo-philosophical bullshit, I tune out, keep an eye on Carlo, who looks as if he wants nothing more than to get the fuck away from Shannon. Something’s going on, that much is obvious. Shannon looks serious, grim; Carlo can’t even look at her.
   
By the time he returns to us, Shannon left to join her friends in the handball court on the other side of the park. He looks troubled, though he’s trying putting up a good front. Marcus and Janet can’t tell anything’s wrong but Tad and I know.
    Marcus begins talking about Nietzsche, a name that isn’t even on my radar. Still on about the Russians and the government, he says, People don’t want to hear the truth because they don’t want their illusions destroyed.
    Makes sense, Tad says, pulling at his eyebrow.
    Ah, but who’s truth? Marcus says. Who’s to say what that truth is? We have our truth, the Russians have their truth. Who’s right? Janet swoons, lays her head on Marcus’s shoulder. Marcus picks up on the subtle clue and gets up. Think about what I’m saying, man,” he continues. Seriously. Once you begin to realize that all of this — he waves his hand through the air — is bullshit, the more you’ll begin to understand. Later, dudes.
    We watch him walk away, Janet on his arm, towards his Camaro which he has parked just outside the park.  
    I think he’s high, Tad says, laughing.
    Any idea what the fuck he was talking about? I say.
    He don’t even know what the fuck he’s talking about, Tad says.
    Carlo doesn’t say anything, his thoughts a mile away.
    I look across the park to see Shannon repeatedly looking over at us.

. . . . . .


I spend the next morning cleaning up the spent fireworks in my yard as per my father’s orders. Armed with a garbage bag and picking up the seemingly endless bits of spent bottle rockets, whirlybirds, and other various debris, half the morning is already gone.
    
As I sweep up in front of the house, I see Carlo up at his house doing the same thing. We wave to one another but we each keep to the task at hand, which is stealing the whole day away from us.
    At some point he comes down the block towards me, leaving his garbage bag and broom by the gate to his yard. He’s smiling, so that’s a good sign.
    How you feeling? he asks.
    Okay. A little fried, I say.
    Yeah, me too. Hear from Tad?
    He called me this morning but I told him I couldn’t hang out, that I had to clean up this shit. He wanted to go to Mike’s Comic Hut. I’d much rather be there than here right now.
    That’s the truth, of course. I’m more interested in picking up the latest issue of Spiderman than I am anything else. I’d been waiting to go since I began collecting on my paper route that week and I still have to do my route on top of everything else. Carlo delivers the morning paper, I, the afternoon. Carlo and I have more or less the same route, even some of our customers are the same so we sometimes go collecting together. It’s great to always have money in our pockets on top of our allowances. This means we’re always going to be able to score some weed. Weed is so widely available in our neighborhood that it’s virtually impossible not to score some. However, there are some kids who won’t sell any, at least not to us, which forces us to have to deal with Shannon, who naturally loves it whenever Carlo’s around and she’s more than happy to oblige us. We already planned, the night before, to cop some more from Shannon.
    
After some usual small talk, Carlo suddenly gets serious. He looks around, then peers  at my house to see if anyone is at the window, says, I need to talk to you about something. It’s important.
    What is it?
    When you’re done here. When I’m finished. I’ll come down and call for you. I don’t want to talk about it here, okay?
    I agree and watch him trot up towards his house to finish off his chores. I go back to mine, eager to know what could be so important that he couldn’t just tell me right there and then.


. . . . . .


With five bucks in my pocket I’m eager to get to the comic book store. I figure if Carlo wants to talk he can take a walk over there with me. The store is far from my house, a good mile or so, and since I don’t want to waste any money taking the bus, I usually walk. For the price of bus fare one can score at least seven to ten comics from the used bin.
    Carlo finally calls me and I tell him the plan which he thinks is a great idea since we’d be far from the neighborhood.
    I meet him outside my house and we begin walking. It isn’t until we’re sufficiently away from our neighborhood that he begin to open up.
    You can’t tell anyone, understand? No one. Not even Tad. Especially not Tad. I’ll never hear the end of it.
    Okay, I won’t, I say.
    Promise me.
    I promise.
    About a month prior to the July 4th holiday, Carlo had run into Shannon while running down to the pizza place for something to eat. He had just finished his collection rounds and wanted to get some lunch. While he sat at his usual booth, eating his usual two slices with a bottle of Sunkist, Shannon saw him through the window and decided to go in and join him. They sat there bullshitting for a while, mostly gossip about the kids in the neighborhood, and when Carlo finished eating, he got up, ready to leave. Shannon didn’t want him to go, naturally, and removed a joint from her pocket book as a way to entice him to stay. 

Not being one to ever turn down weed, especially free weed, he agreed to go get high with her, insisting that he had to go afterwards, that he couldn’t hang around.
    They went into the handball courts, the back court, so the wall that divided the court would hide their illicit activity. Shannon lit up and the two of them stood there smoking through the joint. The more they talked, the more flirtatious Shannon had become — touching him, complimenting his looks, pressing herself up against him, whispering softly in his ear.
    
He didn’t know what happened, whether it was the weed or just a sudden case of teenage horniness but he became aroused. Once he became aroused, Shannon didn’t waste any time helping things along. She reached down the front of his jeans and grabbed hold of his cock, began stroking it, messaging it. Before he knew it, he kissed her and soon they were all over one another.
    Behind them was a hole in the fence. Beyond the hole was a small green area which went up on an incline, between the park and the parking garages for the apartment buildings up the hill from the park. Somehow, Shannon managed to convince him to go up there, where they would not only be hidden by the handball court wall but by the dense foliage which the Park’s Department never bothered to landscape. Hidden away from any and all prying eyes, Carlo dropped his pants, yanked Shannon’s buttons open and shoved his hand down the front of her jeans. She was so wet that he could feel the moisture on the inside of her thighs, which, according to him touched together due to her weight. She kissed him like a wild woman, biting his bottom lip, his ear, and before he knew it, she had her pants down around her ankles and he was inside her.
   
It didn’t last long, he says, a few minutes at most. When he felt himself ready to ejaculate, she told him to pull out because he wasn’t wearing a condom, he did so, spurting his semen all over her skin just above her vagina. She went down on her knees and sucked him off. Afterwards they hung out for a while then, as he said he must do, left her and went home.
    When I got home, he says, I just lied there, confused. I mean, I’m not even attracted to her! I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what came over me.
    I’m stunned, of course. I hadn’t even kissed a girl yet, never mind fucking one. The way he explained it to me, in such explicit detail, shocks me in a way.
    She’s not a virgin, he says. That much was clear to me.
    How could you tell? I ask.
    He then goes on to explain it to me. My first lesson in the ‘Birds and the Bees’. My parents hadn’t even spoken to me about this yet.
    I heard that she was kind of loose.
    She’s fucked a ton of guys, already, he says. Mainly the older guys from the park.
    I can’t imagine it. Who would want to fuck Shannon of all people? What was her allure? So I ask him.
    I don’t know, he says. It just kind of...happened.
    Okay, so it’s not so bad, I thought. He got laid, something Tad and I were only dreaming of with the girls we go to school with. So what’s the problem?
    
Remember when she came to into the park last night to talk to me? She’s pregnant.
    I’m floored. Pregnant. I thought he was going to tell me that he caught some venereal disease. Pregnancy was the furthest thing from my mind. The fact that he fucked her was the furthest thing from my mind.
    She wants an abortion, he says. I don’t know what to do.
    Pregnancy, abortion...all of this is well outside my immediate experience. Sure, I’ve heard other kids talking about it but most only talked shit. Most, like Tad and I, never even a woman naked outside of clandestine viewings of Playboy and Swank magazines. I don’t know what to say.
    I certainly can’t go to my parents, he says. They’d kill me. I have no one to turn to and I don’t know what to do. I mean, I’m too young to be a father. I don’t want that responsibility.
    What did Shannon say?
    That she had no plans on being a mother, that getting an abortion was no big deal, that she had a few before.
    Seriously?
    That’s what she told me. I got curious and asked her who had gotten her pregnant before. Marcus was one of them, believe it?
    In a way, I can, I tell him. There were two others, two of the older guys in the neighborhood who were already on the path to ruin, one of whom is Theo, the neighborhood bully and requisite asshole, whom we all despised.
    I thought of a way to pay for it, he says, but you can’t say anything to anyone. The paper route. I figured I’d go collecting and I can pay for it that way. The problem is that I probably won’t be able to make up the money to pay off the paper bill. I’m screwed and I don’t know what to do.
    That seems like your only option. I don’t have any money to give you.
    If I come up short, could you lend me some from your paper route?
    Oh, I don’t know, Carlo...my route is kind of small and...
    Please...I’m begging you. I don’t know what else to do?
    How about asking Tad as well?
    I don’t want Tad knowing anything about this! I’ll never hear the end of it. Besides, we’ve known each other since we were little kids. I know I can trust you.
    True. I’ve known him all my life. Only one house separated his and mine. We had been playing together since we were toddlers, even though he was two years older than me. It’s Carlo who taught me how to play baseball, football, and the other sporting games we all played on the block. He even taught me how to tie my own shoes. I couldn’t let him down.
    So what are you going to do in the meantime? I ask.
    I’ve been speaking to Shannon nearly every night, he says. On the phone. She’s a bit stressed out, upset, but she’s doing all right. I’ve been trying to comfort her, letting her know that everything was going to be taken care of. It’s strange but I sort of feel something for her now and I don’t know why.
    You mean like she can be your girlfriend feelings?
    Something like that, but not exactly. I don’t know. She doesn’t seem as repulsive to me as she once did.
    I laugh, once again, not knowing why.


. . . . . .


Three weeks pass. The summer is coming to an end. Soon we’ll all be heading back to school and a new round of bullshit will begin. Tad and I wound up in the same class so we’re actually looking forward — for once in our lives — to going back for the year. Plus we’re excited to learn which girls were going to be in our class.
    Over the rest of the summer, we carry on as normal — listen to music, hang out in the park, go to Shannon’s to pick up some weed, get high. All the while Tad is clueless to Carlo’s situation. Even when Shannon is around neither she nor Carlo betray anything that would indicate they’d been together and whatever advances she makes towards Carlo seems to be the usual flirtatious things as far as Tad is concerned. I keep my promise to Carlo and never say a word about it.
   
But gossip, especially among teenagers, is rampant and soon ‘rumors’ start spreading that Shannon is pregnant again and that Carlo is the father. Both of them adamantly deny it and that seems to satisfy most people, even Tad when he confronts Carlo about it, ready to make unholy fun of him over it. It’s Theo, who seems to have taken issue with it but no one can understand why. Theo can pretty much have any girl he wants, why get twisted out of shape over Shannon, who he fucked and dumped him like yesterday’s garbage?
    Carlo and I go on our collection routes together, do our best to get our customers to actually pay without them coming up with the usual bullshit excuses whenever they didn’t want to pay for the week. I think it’s the first time ever that both he and I actually get every customer on our route to pay up.
    Meanwhile, Carlo would sneak off with Shannon some nights, try to comfort her, try to assure her that everything is going to be all right.


. . . . . .


Between what Carlo collects and the money I loan him from my paper route, Carlo finally has the few hundred dollars needed for the abortion.
    On the morning of the procedure, Carlo picks Shannon up in front of her apartment building and the two of them take the bus to the clinic. Everything seemed normal, he later tells me, they were sad but joking around, gossiping about the neighborhood idiots as if they were just going on a daily excursion to the mall. Carlo admits that he was nervous, and sad. He tells me that the night before he had hardly slept a wink because it hit him hard that he was ready to abort a child that was his. He had no idea if it would have been a boy or a girl but he admitted that the idea of his child not being brought into the world bothered him, although he also felt a sense of relief.
    Blame my catholic education and upbringing, he says.
    Still, he wasn’t ready, at fifteen, to take on the responsibility to be a father.
    While in the waiting room, he tried to take his mind off what was going on by reading through the magazines spread out across the table. He said he was more flipping through them than actually reading them, his stomach in knots. He said that the doctors at the clinic didn’t judge them, didn’t treat them with disrespect, as if this was nothing new for them. When the procedure was over, he went in to see her and sat with her, holding her hand as he waited for the anesthesia to wear off. When she came to, she was pleased to see him. She didn’t cry but he did. He couldn’t help it, he says. It was more of the stress of the whole thing and the overwhelming relief that it was all over and he no longer had anything to worry about.
    
They took care of the paperwork and Carlo paid the clinic in cash, something that he said they didn’t seem to be too surprised at. They spoke to Shannon, what to do, what not to do post-procedure, then Carlo took Shannon by the hand and walked her out of the clinic.
    The moment they stepped outside, Shannon kissed Carlo on the cheek and thanked him, then ran off towards a waiting Trans-Am by the curb, it’s engine rumbling, Theo the Robot behind the wheel. She opened the passenger side door, hopped in and Theo the Robot sped away, peeling rubber.
    Shannon never even looked back.


. . . . . .



Later that night we’re back on the roof of the building smoking through a fat joint which we scored from one of the kids in the park. Carlo seems to be slowly getting back to his normal self, joking around, picking on me and Tad, even laughing about his sexual experience with Shannon. Tad is brought up to speed and, as expected, begins to make unholy fun of Carlo for fucking Shannon in the first place.
    We laugh even more once the weed kicked in.
    It’s a scorching, humid late August night. It’s quiet and we keep an eye on the roof door to be sure that one of the tenants from the floor below doesn’t come up and catch us there. All is normal, although things aren’t.
    At one point, Carlo wanders off to the railing, looks out over the city. Tad and I leave him alone with his thoughts, not really knowing what he’s thinking. Years later he’d go on to tell me that he felt as if he had aged a lot that summer and I told him that, in a way, I felt I had too.
    But tonight, he just stares out towards the lights of the Empire State Building, not saying anything. I suppose he doesn’t have to.


New York City
January 2016




Julian Gallo is the author of 'The Other Side Of The Orange Grove' (Empty Canvas, June 2018) and other novels. He lives and works in New York City.'  

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